Since my Dad left and I’ve had more time alone to think, I’ve become more conscious of my fears. Drat. I don’t usually think of myself to be a person who worries or is afraid, but here I found myself, emotionally cowering in a corner. It all started with the car.
Dad and I almost sealed a deal on my first set of wheels, but to put it shortly, things started falling through and were unresolved by the time I dropped him off at the airport. A few minutes later it was official: I was not buying that car. While that process in itself was a praise to God’s protection from a bad deal, I was now left with the issue of finding a car by myself. And if you know me well, you know that making common sense decisions about a car is NOT my spiritual gift. So that night I tried to take initiative and look up cars on craigslist, but my mind was FILLED with worries about how I would make it happen. Then right before bed I decided to read one of my “Hebrews 10:24 Cards” that a dear friend made for me (look it up if you don’t get it). Here’s what I read:
“this place of trust isn’t a comfortable place to be, in fact, it flies in the face of everything we’ve been taught about proper planning. We like finding refuge in what we already have rather than in what we hope God will provide…God wants us to trust Him with abandon. He wants to show us how He works and cares for us. He wants to be our refuge.” –Francis Chan
a WOW moment. I make my world so small sometimes, but then “the hammer of a higher God smashes my small cosmos, scattering the stars like spangles, leaving me in the open, free…” (one of my favorite G.K. Chesterton quotes).
Other fears I caught myself facing dealt with how I was going to do in my new job…afraid that I wouldn’t take enough initiative and be responsible enough, afraid I would ask too many questions and become a nuisance, afraid I wouldn’t notice some unspoken expectation that everyone else understood…basically, fears that I would not be a good leader on this campus. And then I received yet another reminder–my leadership is not about me. How I lead may be guided by tradition, but ultimately my capacity and ability as a leader is defined by God and my partnership with Him.
Take Moses–not necessarily a “natural born leader,” but he led an entire nation because he chose to remain close to the heart of God. John the Baptist’s leadership (preparing people to meet the Lord) was inspired by the Holy Spirit before John was even conceived in the womb. Abraham became the father of God-followers because he followed God. God is the center of effective leadership, period.
And perfect love casts out fear.
Spending time with the perfect Love is my only hope for being a good leader.
“I need Thee, O I need Thee,
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.”
