A Sudden Onset of Wonderful March 13, 2012

Today my friend and I went running, catching up on our spring break stories. Due to the time change it was much brighter out than we’re used to when we run. After running we stood in front of our dorm building, still story-telling and reluctant to go indoors. We sat on the warm grass. It was about 6pm, and the sun was going strong.

Before long we were joined by another person, then another, then two more, then three more, and pretty soon we were a happy swarm of people– yelling, shrieking, hugging, talking over each other, and all for apparently no particular reason. It’s just what happens when you start feeling like it’s spring; when you start believing your responsibilities really aren’t so pressing; when you start noticing that moments like this are scarce.

Eventually we all wandered off to be responsible young adults, but for me the feeling of invincibility lasted for another hour or so.

Now, however, I feel exhausted, and am happily taking myself off to bed. So long.

Hashdir March 11, 2012

Currently enjoying a blue vinyl chair in the Denver airport, and I am dying to tell y’all about the man I just met on the plane.

Sometimes when I find my seatmate, I’m a little shy at first. Today my seatmate was an older man (60s?), salt and pepper hair, mustache; trim build, pleasant looking face. I felt bold in a friendly way, so soon after I settled in, I turned and asked, “Are you going to Denver or beyond?” He answered Denver. I asked if that is where he lived. He replied that he lived in Turkey.

My interest? Piqued.

His accent was lovely; I can’t say I’ve ever spoken with a Turkish person before. Words with an “s” sound often came out like “sch.” He spoke carefully and deliberately, and intelligently.

We spent a good portion of the ride conversing on a range of topics, even the taboo issues (read: politics and religion). I learned about the geography of Turkey, it’s tourism, and cultural trademarks. We discussed environmentalism and the care of the earth, contrasted the American and Turkish cultures, speculated a bit on generational differences….Oh! And I forget to mention…he’s a mining engineer! Mainly involved with gold. Yeah, no big deal.

As usual I sought for a way to naturally bring up the topic of faith. I inquired as the to major religions in Turkey (Islam is most prominent, just as anyone would suppose) and asked if his family came from a particular tradition. He told me he did not practice a religion, though he held the different religions in respectful regard. He also commented on fanaticism in some sects and terrorism; perhaps his most stunning comment was this: “As for me, I do not see religion being very helpful. Usually it divides people instead of bringing them together.” I chimed in with some thoughts on religion being man’s attempt to reach God, whereas what made the difference in my life was a relationship with Christ. I think he may have expected me to argue or persuade, as our conversation felt a bit like polite and congenial ping pong at this point. But I liked it. I didn’t need to press any point, and we both were able to share our views. And now I’m praying for him. )

My other favorite part of the talk was when I got him talking about his wife and their marriage. They’ve been wedded 45 years. I applauded their accomplishment and asked for his best marriage advice. I wish I could quote his ensuing speech. He talked about give and take, about building a marriage off of similar culture and understanding of one another. He spoke of the fever (of love) that marks the beginning of relationships and with a smile assured me it lasted but a few years, and after that the priorities of building a family took over.

I can’t say I find his comments relevant to every relationship, but he had some great points. His words were beautiful mostly because they were tempered by experience and a healthy regard for his wife.

Now here’s the catch to all of this–I had every intention of getting his name. Especially because it’s probably some sweet Turkish name. In my head I was going to wait for the right moment, right before we rose to collect our things and disembark the plane. Alas, the moment played out differently than I hoped, and his name is yet unknown to me. HOWEVER. I often play a little game with myself and try to guess my seatmate’s name before I ask. Here are the two I came up with for my Turkish friend: Hashdir, or Isaak. Now you, reader, be the judge. Cast your vote (via commenting), and when the tally is in, I will change the title of this post.

Boarding soon. Fresno bound!

Chan & Mary Anne February 19, 2012

On Thursday our campus hosted our annual Ministry Forum, and this year our speaker was Francis Chan! I’ve never met the man personally, but I feel like we go way back…. IYC 2003 in Colorado, IYC 2005 in…where were we? Tennesee? I still remember some of the things he spoke on back then. Yet it is not the messenger who is important; it’s the message; I’m thankful for the way God uses Francis and the way Francis allows himself to be used.

I find him to be a very simple and inspiring speaker–he often takes Scripture and reminds us to stop and be shocked. For example, as he began his third session he took us to Matthew 28:18, the Great Commission. He began reading: “‘Then Jesus came to them and said’—now I just want to stop us right here.” (A chuckle ran through the crowd–we sure didn’t get very far into that verse!) Francis laughed with us and said, “I’m serious! Let’s not skip over this! ‘Jesus came to them and said!’ Why is this amazing? Because he was just dead!” We laughed harder now, mostly at ourselves for how often we skip over amazing things like that. Francis continued, “Jesus was dead, then came back to life and said, ‘Okay, I want everyone to get together at this spot, there’s something I want to say.’ I think that means this is going to be important.” Ah, beautiful.

I walked away from that session with a pocket full of pebbles—a few ideas and timely reminders. There is one in particular I want to focus on.

During Q&A someone asked him about ministry burnout. His response was that spiritual exhaustion is certainly possible, but what probably plagues us more frequently is boredom. Our lives become boring when we don’t live by the Spirit. When we stop waiting on God, hearing God, responding to God, life gets dull. We start trying to make things happen on our own energy and power, and end up sick and tired of the whole shebang.

Later, as I thought about this concept, I thought of this blog. I named it “The Wind Blows Wherever it Pleases: Spirit-filled Adventures” in hopes it would keep me accountable to living by the Spirit and help me recognize the stories that happen when I do. And I think lately I have grown a bit dull to the Spirit’s voice in my life.

Yesterday on my run, I decided to put myself in a place where I would be a bit more susceptible to the Spirit. I run 3-4 times a week, usually around dinner time, and always see this older woman on the track. Yesterday I jogged up to her and said hello, twice. (She is a bit hard of hearing, bless her heart). After the second time, she stopped, turned toward me and drew near, searching my face. In her lovely, aged voice she said, “Oh, yes. You seem…familiar…to me.” I smiled and said, “I’m Becca.” She spoke distinctly: “I’m Mary Anne Gaede.” What followed was a beautiful conversation.

In striking up short conversations with strangers, it always astounds me which pieces of their story they choose to disclose in the first few minutes. I quickly learned that Mary Anne is a follower of Christ (though she didn’t have to tell me that) and that she lives in a house near the track. She and her husband hit their 66th anniversary last April and then (this part I didn’t see coming) he died fourteen days later. She told me of his beautiful “home-going,” how the family had gathered around his bed singing his favorite hymns and how he left quickly, without extended suffering. She told me of her active volunteer life, how since retirement she was involved in numerous activities ranging from reading to children for hours a day to ministering to women in prison.

I was swept away by the sincerity and steadiness of her life, and I’m reminded that when God encourages me to go speak to someone, He often aims to bless me in the midst of it.

“Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast–as you really are. For Christ, our Passover Lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.” 1 Corinthians 5:7-8

Professional Thoughts February 16, 2012

Today is a Midwest kind of day. Walking to the office, my shoes and the hem of my pants got wet from the overnight rain puddles. I got a light spray in the face when the wind kicked droplets off of trees. Half the sky hosted the sun, bright and happy and gentle. A lingering wall of gray clouds filled the other half. Inhaling brought a gust of rain-washed oxygen into the lungs.

In my one-on-one with an RA this morning, as we sat quietly over mugs of coffee, watching the activity around us; she mused that it was a peaceful kind of day. I couldn’t help but agree.

***

Sometimes, in the midst of different university meetings, I have a moment when I remember that I am being grafted into an institution. I’m not just doing a random, fun job. I’m part of a big family, if you will, and a movement. It’s easy to focus on the relationships and conversations and tasks that make up each of my days, while forgetting that I am building on the legacy of someone else.

Today one of those moments happened in the midst of Staff Caucus. President Merrill Ewert (how’s that for a Mennonite name?) is retiring after a decade of service to FPU. This week our new presidential candidate is visiting campus. In Caucus today he allowed time for Q&A. I listened to the questions of the staff around me, some of them who had graduated from FPU before being employed here. Their words betrayed a deep, personal commitment to the values and legacy of the university. I readily affirm these things as well, but I fully recognize I am not (yet) as deeply rooted as they are.

In addition, it’s that time of year when Pam, my boss, begins asking us RDs if we intend to return next year. My answer is yes, for as far as I can foresee. Over the course of the year we’ve all shared conversations amongst ourselves about how long we think we may be here at FPU; our answers vary and conversations always end with a “We’ll see!”

Today, remembering that I’m currently a blip in the life of this institution, I wonder how deeply entrenched I will become here. Will I be here for years and come to feel like this family–this movement–is part of who I am? Or will I be a more transitional figure? God only knows, and I’m not worried about it.

I’m just wonderin’.

The San Diego Trip February 12, 2012

Last weekend the RD team, along with our boss Pam and Amberli’s husband Matt, set out on an adventure to Southern California (affectionately known as SoCal by Californians). We are steadfast supporters of our women’s basketball team, and that weekend both the men’s and women’s teams played at Point Loma Nazarene in San Diego. We had been planning this weekend road trip since November!

We met at 7am Friday morning and took our time getting out of town, since we had no agenda. On our way down, I visited Ikea for the first time! I’ve been shamed by numerous friends for never having made a trip to this famous home goods store, so this was kind of a big deal for me. The store itself is pretty cool. On one of the wall’s was painted this quote: “Sharing a small space is to show love and respect, to compromise and transform.” I thought it was utterly appropriate for Residence Life.

In Burbank we landed at the home of Aunt Katie, Matt’s aunt. They have a gorgeous, airy home overlooking the city of Burbank, and I started to get a taste for what SoCal living looks like. After dropping off our luggage we went on to explore the Hollywood area. Notable experiences include:

–Going up Mullholand Drive to see the L.A. Skyline & the Hollywood sign

–Paying 13 smackeroos for a celebrity map. We drove through several neighborhoods to see homes of icons such as Michael Jackson and yawn I don’t even remember who else. I can’t tell you much about the homes, but I can tell you that these people have nice, expensive, tall hedges.

–Dropping by UCLA’s campus. Its gorgeous. And it’s all thanks to me, because if I didn’t have a tiny tank, we never would have looked for a bathroom anyway.

–Eating Chic-fil-A for dinner on Sunset Blvd. It was Matt and Amberli’s first time there! When I put in my order they asked for my name and I told them Becca. The girl had a funny look on her face and asked me to spell it. I did. Still an odd look on her face. When they called me to give me my food, my name had become Betca. Or Betcha. I’m not even sure what happened there.

–Walking down Hollywood Blvd. It reminded me a lot of the Las Vegas strip, which made me feel familiar, happy, and a little sad too.

–Union City Walk. (Shopping district).

On Saturday we rose early and took our time heading south. We stopped at a few beach places and I SAW DOLPHINS!!!!! It was mesmerizing. I would say it was my first time, but now that I think about it I’ve probably seen them in zoos…but you know what, it was my first time. Zoo dolphins and free-ranging ocean dolphins are two entirely different matters.

Mike took us out to one of his favorite restaurants, called the Cliff. We ate on a patio overlooking the ocean. ‘Twas marvelous.

Right before we arrived at Point Loma’s campus we stopped at a rocky outcropping (that’s a word, right?) settled next to the sea. I scrambled over the rocks with childish vigor, camera in hand. At one point I wanted to cross a slimy puddle. The other side was wet, but not slimy. The other side was also closer to the edge than I was. I took the small leap and almost became one with the ocean. Apparently there exists such a thing as invisible slime. (Don’t worry, Mom, I was fine and we all had a good laugh).

I wanted Pam to take a new facebook profile picture of me before we left. As she snapped away, some surfers walked past me, and I heard her snickering. This is why:

Me, "enjoying the view."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sadly, both of our teams lost to Point Loma. But THANKFULLY my wonderful sister Bri was able to catch up with us there! It did my heart so much good to see her, and I was excited for her to finally meet my friends that I’ve told her about. During half times and such we would exit the gym to contemplate the setting sun over the ocean. I don’t know how Point Loma students get a thing done with the ocean right there.

When the games ended and Bri had gone, we hopped back in the minivan to make our way back to Burbank. En route we had frozen yogurt and decided to meet up with some of Amberli’s “adopted” family nearby. Their homestead was breathtaking and their hospitality warm.

Sunday morning we got up and went to church with Matt’s grandma Barbara, whom we had heard much about. What a hoot!

When we got back to campus Sunday afternoon, I felt very much like I had been on family vacation: we were a bit tired and grumpy, but ever so grateful for the weekend experience.

Cheesecake and Regulars January 30, 2012

I’ve mentioned how much I’m enjoying baking bread lately. Mainly, because it’s so easy to make. I just have a thing against high-maintenance recipes…or so I thought.

In anticipation of hosting a dessert and game night for one of the modules in my building, I asked two girls what kind of dessert they would like. The response was immediate: cheesecake! The challenge was on.

I got online and found a recipe that looked tantalizing enough (http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chocolate-Cookie-Cheesecake/Detail.aspx). No matter that it suggested using a kind of pan I don’t own and detailed steps–this one was for the girls. Saturday morning I shopped up a storm, and Saturday evening I went to work. The results on Sunday were glorious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think “food giving” is a love language of mine. I feel like I’m celebrating life when I do it. One thing I love about the Israelite culture of the Old Testament is that they really knew how to party, how to celebrate the goodness of God in their midst. Mayhaps this is my feeble way of trying to imitate them….

—– —– —–

When I moved here in July, I decided I wanted to be a “regular” somewhere.  And the good news is that I’m getting somewhere! Remember that donut shop where I buy donuts for my residents’ birthdays and half-birthdays? Most of the time my cashier is “the guy,” but sometimes it’s “the girl”…it may very well depend on what time of day I go in. Lately, I’ve been going in the mornings, and “the guy” has been there. I was never sure if he recognized me, but a couple of weeks ago, as he was ringing up my bill, he said, “You always want a receipt, right?” And that’s when I knew I was becoming a regular.

Today I went in and we actually had a conversation! He asked if I got donuts for my favorite students, and I laughed and said only on their birthdays or half-birthdays. He asked if I was a teacher for young kids, and I said I lived with college students at FPU. We chatted for another moment or two before another customer came up. I felt so cool.

More than that, I feel thankful. I’m thankful for opportunities to connect with people in the community, because it’s a reminder to me that I don’t live in a bubble and that all Fresno folk are important. Sometimes I talk about having a full-time ministry job, but in reality, doesn’t every follower of Christ have a full-time ministry existence?  I’m trying to learn to live mine out, in very nonchalant and ordinary ways.

Instant Wins January 21, 2012

I’m growing a list of ways I can make any day instantly better.

* I can give something away to someone else, preferably something I’m pretty sure I could put to good use for myself.

*Run 6 miles instead of 2.

*Eating carrot sticks instead of a cookie. My brain kicks into “Wow I’m making good decisions today!” mode, and one good decision begets another.

praise God from whom all blessings flow…. January 14, 2012

I will extol the Lord at all times, his praise will always be on my lips.

My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the Lord with me, let us exalt his name together!

I sought the Lord and he answered me, he saved me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant, their faces are never covered with shame.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the Lord is good–blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

–

Who have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever, Amen.

–

I’ve begun a happy ritual. When I go into my little sanctuary-within-my-apartment, I light a candle and sing through the Doxology twice. Its a reminder that no matter what attitude I enter with, I ought to submit myself to truth: that God is worthy to be praised.

Peacock Feathers [renewal] January 14, 2012

I’m back at my coffee shop in the Tower District, sipping on an iced tea with sugar that refuses to dissolve into the liquid. Mom just called and informed me there is snow at home, and frankly its a mental shock, because it feels very much like spring here: extra sunny and temperatures in the 60s and 70s.

After five wonderful, whirlwind-like days at home between Christmas and New Year’s, coming back to my Fresno home actually felt good. That first evening I just sat in the quiet of my apartment, happy as a clam about life in general.

Before going home, the most I could make out of fall semester was this: Wow, that was harder than I expected. I think this is good for me.

While at home, I didn’t have much time or motivation to think about it. By the grace of God I landed in Fresno with a hardy spirit, ready to take on the semester.

January 3rd was my six month anniversary of arriving in Fresno. On the 4th, just before the semester began, we took our RAs and RPCs up north to Casa Pacifica, the univeristy’s cabin in the mountains. Like any good retreat, we had worship, life stories, food and games. I still had my moments of feeling out of place, but on the whole it felt vastly different than our August retreat.

On our last morning Pam sent the students out for an hour of solitude and prayer. The RDs worked on packing and cleaning the kitchen. I chose to prayerfully attack the stove with hot, soapy water. As I scrubbed I asked what God would like from me this semester. Intercessory prayer seemed to be part of His answer that day. Later the word “obey” was added to the response. These are pretty generic words, but in my conversations with God they are taking on particular meanings that will require much of me as I learn to follow them. We’re blessed to worship a God Who believes in transforming us.

My attitude toward this new semester borders on sassy stubbornness. I now know to expect awkward moments, hard conversations and lonely nights. I’m embracing the last two. I think the first one may be the hardest, because its usually associated with feelings of insecurity; but I’ll get there. More and more I’m relishing the hard conversations because I see them as crucial ingredients to “life change and growth,” one of the tenants of our Residence Life philosophy here. Or, as Spring Arbor puts it, “love enough to support, care enough to challenge.” And lonely nights…they’re actually less frequent, because the RD team is hooked on game nights. But even when they do happen, I’ll be thankful for the opportunity to grow through them.

Now for some more exciting things.

I have 11 new residents this semester! Several are from Colombia and Venezuela! The other day I was texting a new girl (she’s Venezuelan and has a completely French name–its awesome) and she said she was sick, so I invited her over for hot tea. We stood in my kitchen talking for thirty to forty five minutes, our conversation meandering from her siblings to athletics to vampires and Harry Potter. I am now interested in reading the Harry Potter series.

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One of my girls pointed out stars in a pop bottle this week. There was a two liter of Coke on a table, partially full, and when you looked in from the top the drops of Coke reflected on the surface of the liquid like stars. It was magical.

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When my residents have a birthday or half-birthday, I get them a treat from Kim’s Donuts across the street. The other day, as I was waiting for my order, I tuned into the good-natured conversation of four elderly men at a table behind me. I’ll make-up names for them, and you’ll have to use your imagination to capture the beauty of this conversation.

Frank: Where’ve you been lately Eddie?

Eddie: I’ve been here every morning since the new year and haven’t seen you guys around…..seems when I say I’ll be here, that’s when everyone decides not to come!

[General chortling and guffaws]

Petey: And he wonders why!

Henceforth, I have mentally labeled these fellows the Turkey Club.

–

I feel like there is something else I need to say, but I am not sure what it is. I’ll let you know if I find out.

The Post-Semester, Pre-Going Home Post December 22, 2011

This week I am on call. Students are gone (save a few random folk), staff are sparse, and somehow I have actually been pretty busy. My duties this week include dog-watching, cat-watching, doing rounds on campus, and taking care of a few odds and ends at work. What I thought would be a week of stressful loneliness has actually blossomed into quite an enjoyable break–we’ll thank God for that one.

Some of you might remember my friend “Carla” from a previous post; she and I have been able to hang out four times this week–drinking coffee, making a gingerbread house (thanks Uncle Roland & Aunt Shirley!), dinner at her house and (just now) coffee again. Its been wonderful to have a friend to share the week with.

December in Fresno is odd…its like October in Michigan, minus the rain. My understanding is that a typical Fresno winter is very wet, but apparently my arrival in California has thrown off the climatic patterns. I am already planning to wear boots and a sweater on the plane ride home, so when I arrive in Detroit I will be plenty prepared for the piercing cold. YAY!

I keep thinking I need to take time to seriously evaluate the semester and plan for next semester. In theory, it sounds like a good idea. But my heart isn’t in it. This may be one of those times when I am supposed to just rest in God, let Him work on my heart, and then move forward in newness of spirit.

I’m actually looking forward to Christmas here! While my home church has suspended services in order to promote “home church” on the 25th, the church around the corner has both a Christmas Eve and Christmas Day service. I plan to attend both and savor the hymns, carols and Scripture reading. Sunday night I will be joining Arlene, a wonderful FPU employee who loves the Res Life staff like her own family. She and her family are getting together to worship Christ with their talents and gifts, whether it be through song, instrument, art or some other medium. (Don’t worry, my fellow Free Methodists–there will be food as well!) It’ll be a blessing to celebrate with them.

This week I have started a new habit. After reading a bit of a Richard Foster book on prayer, I am starting to learn the basics of what he calls “covenant prayer.” Essentially it means setting aside a specific time and location to meet with God, whether it be twice a day, once a day, or once a week. He talks about how this act of discipline affords more freedom in our walk with God, and I must say that after a few measly days of trying it, I agree. I sectioned off a quiet corner in my apartment where I won’t be distracted. I’ve added pillows and blankets to sit on, and I leave my Bible and devotional books there, ready for action. Once I enter that corner I don’t feel rushed or pressured to come up with an outstanding revelation. I just read, pray, read, write, pray.

On Tuesday I had a serious conversation with a friend that required some specific guidance from the Father. I entered my little sanctuary and began to read, praying for wisdom in the back of my mind. Sometimes God is silent and asks us to wait for an answer. On Tuesday He chose to answer right quick. A verse came to mind as I read: “Seek first My kingdom and My righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” I realized that my job is not to figure out how to be the right friend in my situation. My job is to earnestly seek God’s kingdom and righteousness, and everything else will flow out of that. I continued reading, and I came across the story of Jesus feeding the 5000. This verse popped out: “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted” (John 6:12). It occurs to me that there are no leftovers in my life; there are no scraps that I get to keep and do with as I please. Jesus collects every piece and relationship of my life, puts in in a basket, and uses it to His glory. These two verses restored a perspective that I needed. I think I was starting to section my life into pieces and working to solve things on my own power. He graciously reminded me that He is the perspective and purpose for what I do. And shoot…that’s good news in my book.

I’ll close with two stand-alone phrases that have been meaningful to me lately:

“In everything, give thanks.”

Emmanuel.